Nick (Jesse Eisenberg) is a marijuana-smoking, slacker pizza delivery driver who has trouble completing the "30 Minutes Or Less" policy that his employer issues, leading to a reprimand from his boss Chris (Brett Gelman). Nick's school teacher friend Chet (Aziz Ansari) discovers that Nick has slept with and still has feelings for Chet's twin sister Kate (Dilshad Vadsaria). After a heated argument, Chet storms out, ending their friendship.
Dwayne King (Danny McBride) and Travis Cord (Nick Swardson), are miserable living under the shadow of Dwayne's domineering father the Major (Fred Ward), a multi-million dollar lottery winner. Dwayne confides in lap-dancer Juicy (Bianca Kajlich) about his contempt for his father and Dwayne's presumed inheritance. Juicy tells him she knows a hit-man who will kill Dwayne's dad for $100,000. At Travis's suggestion, he and Dwayne devise a plot to kidnap a complete stranger and strap a remote-controlled bomb to his chest, to compel him to rob a bank for them for the hit money Dwayne needs. After seeing an advertisement for the pizzeria that Nick works at, they order a pizza and wait for a driver to come to their hideout. When Nick arrives, Dwayne and Travis (who are wearing a gorilla and monkey mask) assault him and Travis chloroforms Nick.
When Nick wakes up, he finds a vest rigged with explosives strapped and buckled onto his torso, with both a timer and a cellular phone-activated trigger. Disguised, Dwayne and Travis tell him his situation: if he does not rob a bank within 10 hours, the bomb will detonate. For effect, Dwayne demonstrate another bomb blowing up a stuffed Teddy bear. Dwayne states that if Nick dares going to the police, they will remotely detonate the bomb, as they will be monitoring him. In his panic, Nick goes to a school where Chet is working and desperately pleads with him to help. After plans to deactivate or remove the bomb are dashed, Chet says he has no choice but to rob the bank. Still uneasy, Nick asks Chet to assist him. Chet reluctantly agrees.
En route to the bank, Nick stops by his workplace to tell off his boss and quit, then goes to see Kate and say some potential final words to her. Nick and Chet hold up the bank and obtain money while the bank manager pulled the alarm, forcing Nick and Chet to flee quickly as Dwayne and Travis, outside, watch the commotion. A police officer arrives, but when Nick shows him the bomb vest, he runs away. Nick calls Dwayne and tells him he has the money. Dwayne says he and Travis will meet him at an abandoned rail-yard to make the exchange. Dwayne and Travis go to a restaurant instead as Dwayne calls up Juicy to get her hit-man ally and to head to the rail-yard. When Dwayne asks Travis to be the one to detonate the bomb if the time comes, Travis starts to become unsettled.
Nick waits for Dwayne and Travis at the railyard while Chet hides nearby to avoid disclosing his involvement in the scheme. Juicy and the hit-man Chango (Michael Peña) arrive to pick up the money. Nick hands Chango the money and expects Chango to give him the code which will deactivate the bomb. When Nick keeps asking him for the code, Chango gets aggravated and holds Nick at gunpoint. Chet appears and strikes Chango with a metal bar while Nick incapacitates Juicy. The two grab the money and escape.
Dwayne gets a call from Nick who berates Dwayne for not giving Chango the code to the bomb, and dares him to detonate the bomb with the money at his side. Nick tells Chet that this is a tactic for when the third call is made to them, the details to leave the money and the codes will be made. Overly frustrated by the turn of events and when Nick doesn't answer the phone again, Dwayne activates the speed dial number on his phone for the bomb to explode, but Travis altered the numbers while Dwayne wasn't looking because he was getting nervous about Dwayne's gradually violent attitude. When Dwayne thinks that Nick is calling him, it is instead Chango who informs him about what had happened during the exchange. Chango states that the deal is off and that he'll be coming after Dwayne next. Rethinking their plan, the two head to Kate's apartment in their masks and kidnap her while she was in the restroom. Chango breaks into the Major's house to find information regarding Dwayne's location and finds a hand-drawn map to the scrapyard. While there, the Major attacks him with a pen gun as Chango asks why he is protecting Dwayne if he is the one that called the hit. The Major is then shot in the stomach by Chango after a struggle. Upon applying some peroxide, Chango uses the information he found in Dwayne's room to head to the scrapyard. Dwayne calls Nick to let him know that he has Kate and if he doesn't meet at the scrapyard to give him the money, he will kill her.
Nick arrives at the scrapyard and exchanges the money for Kate. Dwayne gives Nick the code (which is Dwayne's favorite sexual position: 69 69 69) to deactivate and unbuckle the bomb with just minutes to spare. Dwayne has them at gunpoint but Nick has Chet fake having a sniper on them by pointing with his laser pointer. Dwayne and Travis believe him and drop their weapons and leave with the money. However, Nick is brutally knocked out by Chango who now has Dwayne at gunpoint, demanding for the money. Dwayne gives him the money but Chango decides to still kill him. Travis, who has a flamethrower, torches Chango. While being burned on the ground, Chango shoots Dwayne in the shoulder and shoots the gas tank on Travis's back and it explodes.
Nick takes the money and leaves with Kate and Chet. Dwayne saves Travis by beating the fire of the exploded gas tank with his shirt. Dwayne gets in his van to chase after Nick and steal the money and when he has Nick at gunpoint just as his van explodes, seemingly killing him. Nick reveals he reactivated the bomb and put it in Dwayne's van. Afterwards the trio talk about what they'll do with their money but it squirts blue dye on Chet's face.
In a post-credits scene, Dwayne (who survived the bomb explosion), Travis, the Major (who is recuperating in a wheelchair), and Juicy are seen in an advertisement for their new family business called "Major Tan: Tanning Salon."
Alternate Ending
In the alternate ending, Nick, Chet and Kate drive off with the money and discuss what they will do with their new-found riches. Meanwhile, just miles behind them, Dwayne is revealed to have survived the explosion that occurred moments earlier. Annoyed with his plan's failure, he goes to his father's mansion to see if Chango killed him. Dwayne finds his dad on the floor suffering from his gunshot wound and tells about his plans for the tanning salon/brothel. His father is excited and tells his son that he is proud of him. The final scene is at the Four Seasons in Atlanta, where Kate is managing the special events program. She joins up with Nick and Chet, who are chilling out by the pool enjoying their new lives. In addition to this, the late Chango has been blamed for the bank robbery so all is well.
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